Anonymous said: do you have a fanfiction account? because, damn, that coda to 5x04 was just... heart wrenching, and so sad and so spot on, and now i wanna read more of your writing.
Thank you so much !
You can find my other fics here. :D
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The flight back from Columbia was as long a flight as Steve could remember.
Danny’s pain was so raw and palpable it made him ache.
After they got settled they said nothing for the first two hours of the flight.
Danny refused dinner; Steve accepted a tray but could only get a few bites down. As he took a sip of water he looked across the aisle and was glad he’d upgraded their tickets to first class. At least they didn’t have to deal with a chatty seat partner.
Suddenly Danny broke the silence. “I knew all along he was probably already … gone.”. After he said it he turned to look at Steve, “I just couldn’t take the chance that…that he might still be alive.”
“Of course you couldn’t. You did exactly what I would have done.”
Danny leaned in closer and lowered his voice, “So you would have murdered the bastard too?”
“It wasn’t murder, Danny. Reyes killed Matt and for all we knew was going to have us killed. Call it self-defense. Call it anything you like. I don’t care what you call it; it was justified.”
“Then why do I feel… so horrible?”
“You feel horrible because your brother, who you loved very much is dead; because all along you had held out hope that he wasn’t. I don’t care how slim it was; it was hope. You worked around the clock to get the money Reyes demanded; you knocked yourself out to try and save Matt but in the end you couldn’t. That’s what you have every right to feel bad about. The fact that you made Reyes pay for what he did doesn’t deserve a passing thought.”
Danny didn’t answer.
He looked out the window at the black night sky and then, without looking back said softly, “You know for a split second there I let myself believe they were bringing Mattie out to me. I called to him-I didn’t want him to be scared anymore- I wanted him to know the worst…was over.”
Steve’s gut clenched. “I remember that,” he said. “I was looking past you, over your shoulder when you said it. A piece of me half expected to see Matt being hauled into the room with one of his wise ass grins on his face.”
“But instead they rolled… that drum in.”
Steve reached over and squeezed Danny’s leg.
It killed him to see the single tear rolling down his cheek. “You did all you could D. You did more than any other brother could have done.”
“But I didn’t… save him.”
“You’re right-you didn’t. Sometimes the people we love get into situations that no one can pull them out of. You can’t let it eat at you-you have to accept the fact that you did all you could.”
Danny swiped at his cheek and then turned to face Steve. “So my brain knows you’re right but m…my heart and my gut… feel like they’re being twisted inside out.”
To hell with the other passengers.
To hell with the concerned flight attendant who had her eye on them.
Steve made the decision without even knowing he had made it. He flipped the armrest between them up, slid closer to Danny and slipped his arm around him. “Com’ere you,” he murmured as he pulled him close. Lips up against Danny’s ear, his own eyes brimming, he whispered, “It’s because when you, Danny Williams, love someone, you love them so hard and so completely that when they’re gone it’s like a piece of you has been ripped away. It’s what I love about you-the way you love Grace, the way you love me…the way you love totally and completely and absolutely.”
To hell with the other passengers.
Tacitly Danny seemed to agree with the plan. Head against Steve’s chest and eyes squeezed shut he let the sob fighting to work its way up out of his throat escape.
It was like a god awful dam breaking.
His shoulders shook with the force of it.
There was no way he could stop the desperate, helpless sounds that bubbled up out of him.
He had no idea what he said-if he spoke at all.
It was like the worst storm ever was barreling down on him full force.
And the only thing that kept him from sinking to the bottom?
The only thing that kept him from giving in and giving up?
Steve’s muscular arms wrapped around him.
Steve’s deep voice against his ear was his lifeline.
“I’ve got you.”
Steve said it to him over and over again.
Not that Danny really heard the words.
It was all he could do to feel the arms that held him as he sobbed.
It was all he could do to know that he was safe and loved and not alone.
It was all he could ask for.
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mymaximus tweeted this re the 100th episode-
“…Five 0 must find McGarrett when he is kidnapped by Wo Fat.”
please sir, may we have more owie!Steve ?
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Looks like we’ll get plenty of serious!Steve tonight-
can’t wait !
you are so right!
Deleted scene from H50, epi 4.15
(Courtesy of Alex O’Loughlin — And Intense Study)
I FINALLY FOUND IT.
Here’s a copy of the scene where Steve goes to therapy for his PTSD and losing his best friend, Freddie Hart, during his active Navy SEAL duty. Scene starts around the 1:40 mark and goes to the end of the episode.
This is canon for me forever, too. Because it shouldn’t be on the cutting room floor (with pretty much everything else with Kono-Max, Cath-Dennings, everything Chin) because they were moments that were so much more important to actual character development than everything else Season Four was obsessed with pushing
McGarrett in therapy for his PTSD. Hell yes. Canon for Life.
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Danny needs Steve so much
Steve is so there for Danny
McDanno overload of the very best kind
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how a SEAL eats (someone else’s) ice cream
From S4 deleted scenes
thanks IntenseStudy @AboutAlexO for posting !
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